Perfectionism Treatment, Tennessee
Heal perfectionism to feel less consumed by anxiety and overwhelm.
Gabi Barnett, LPC-MHSP in Brentwood and throughout TN
There is a constant pressure to do everything right, everything perfectly.
If it’s not perfect then I am not enough.
It’s a Saturday morning and you wake up feeling excited to finally have the whole day to yourself–time to catch-up, get organized, and tackle all the things you’ve put off until you had enough time to get your shit together.
Suddenly, the first disappointment of the day hits- you slept through your alarm. Excitement immediately turns to panic as you scramble to reorganize your plans to adjust to the hour less of the morning.
As the dread begins to settle, you begin to mentally re-organize your day- negotiating with yourself how to fit in everything you wanted to get done–
’Well, I really only need an hour to start my day-it’ll be fine’ or ‘I can stay up a bit later-I used to do it all the time-it’ll be fine.’
This negotiation soothes you enough to actually stare at ‘the list’, which inevitably leads to 1-2 more ‘just thought of’ things to add to it.
Your brain begins to do mental gymnastics trying to decide where to begin, as if there is a right place to start. Maybe a quick scroll through instagram, tik tok, facebook, youtube will provide inspiration.
By the time you settle on a task, you realize you spent too much time deciding where to start. It’s not even 10am and the day already feels like a waste…there is no way to get everything back on track…to be able to do it all perfectly.
That’s when that voice kicks in–you know the one. The one that enthusiastically points out every mistake, every flaw, every past failure. Maybe it even warns of future missteps, building its case that no matter how you try, it will never be enough.
This need to be perfect—and the relentless pressure that comes with it—follows you everywhere:
Your days are structured around meticulous morning and evening routines, endless goals, and ever growing to- do lists. Even the slightest deviation from the schedule sends you spiralling.
Research becomes a black hole. Whether it’s a vacation, home project or meal plan, you spend hours googling, pinning, and gathering just a little more information to help you make a decision you’ve been going back and forth on for forever.
Compliments leave you feeling flustered and uncomfortable. You are uncertain how to react because deep down, you don’t believe they are true.
You check, double check, triple check— and then have someone else check—your email, presentation, plan, etc. -just to be sure.
You’d rather do everything yourself, not trusting they will be able to do it right. Or worse, that you’ve just burdened them with helping you.
It feels like the goal post is constantly moving. Even when you accomplish something-a promotion or PR- it’s never enough to celebrate.
You all together avoid tasks that feel overwhelming or uncertain. Then feel embarrassment if someone checks in about it— or you finally do it and realize ‘it wasn’t that bad’.
Every task feels heavy, filled with doubt and the pressure to find the perfect solution, to avoid any and all mistakes.
Because if you can just do it perfectly- maybe then, finally, that nagging inner voice will finally let you off the hook to just be.
What if through perfectionism treatment in TN your Saturdays started looking a little different…
It’s a Saturday morning and you wake up feeling the excitement of having a whole day to yourself!
You realize that you slept through your alarm. But instead of panic, you leisurely stretch thinking to yourself
‘Guess I needed the extra sleep!’
You settle into a slow, relaxing morning on the couch with coffee, catching up on the week’s missed shows, and filling in the crossword–feeling no rush to look at (or get started on) your to-do list.
By 10am, you start organizing your day:
laundry, cleaning, grocery shopping
a few self-care tasks—going to the gym, catching up with a friend, and finally returning that amazon package that has been sitting in the corner for a week (ok, a month)
and finally doing exciting things —planning your summer holiday and starting on that new puzzle.
There’s no pressure, no dread. Some tasks are less enjoyable (who enjoys laundry?), but there is no voice telling you
“If don’t do laundry, then you can’t start that new puzzle” or “If you don’t do it all today, you’re a failure.”
Instead your inner voice is calm, even, dare we say–encouraging?
You feel connected to the present, trusting that you don’t need to earn rest, that your value isn’t tied to how productive you are.
What a relief that would be! And perfectionism treatment, TN can help you get there–by guiding you to quiet your inner critic and building a healthier relationship with yourself.
How Perfectionism Treatment, TN Helps!
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Diving deep into your beliefs surrounding perfectionism and how this impacts your beliefs about yourself.
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Asking yourself ‘Is what my inner voice telling me true? ‘Is what my inner voice is telling me helpful.’
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Challenging the truthfulness of a thought, identifying helpful thoughts, letting go of hurtful thoughts, and practicing behaviors that facilitate change
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Identify what your values in life are-separating these out from the expectations that you have adopted from others.
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Learn to notice your thoughts and emotions without judgement, while grounding yourself in the present moment to respond to situations rather than react.
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Give yourself permission to make mistakes and even fail, without criticizing yourself for every misstep.
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The work that you are doing in perfectionism treatment, tn is challenging and can take time SO celebrate the milestones you hit along the way!
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Allowing all of your experiences, thoughts and feelings to be present and be heard, and then letting them go.
Perfectionism Treatment, TN helps you build these skills. You will learn how to interact with yourself with compassion. You’ll recognize that your value and worth isn’t connected to perfection-how much you do, how well you do it, or how much you give. Instead, you’ll embrace yourself exactly as you are, while setting goals that reflect your true values–rather than the expectations of others. This shift allow you to be enjoy the journey, not just the destination.
Perfectionism Treatment, TN can help take you
From:
Harsh →
Indecisive →
Your Own Worst Critic →
Chasing Perfection →
Feeling Not Enough →
To:
Self-Compassionate
Confident in Your Choices
Your Own Encourager
Embracing Progress
Knowing You Are Worthy
Let go of perfection. Trust yourself. Feel confident in the life you're creating!
Frequently Asked Questions:
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A: Essentially Yes…but with some slight differences.
For many of us, our brain is constantly thinking, coming up with a verbal narrative or a series of images, potentially both.
Our internal narrative gives us reminders, lets us plan, helps get us from point a to point b, etc. It is a helpful, and maybe even necessary, component of us living with intentionality and purpose.
Our inner cheerleader is that voice that encourages us by saying ‘You got this,’ ‘Way to go,’ ‘Amazing work!’ ‘I’m so proud of you!’ ‘Your on the right track!’ It’s the voice that helps us move towards our goal in a way that is kind and inspiring.
Our inner bully is that voice that pushes us towards our goals by saying ‘I can’t believe you did that!’ ‘Do you know what you're doing?’ ‘If you did it this way, you would have been successful.’ It’s the voice that tries to push us towards our goal from a place of fear and insecurity.
So while many of us have a constant narrative in our head, many of us find it distressing when that inner voice consistently takes on a ‘bullying’ tone and word choice.
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A: Striving toward a goal, wanting to improve in some way, or having high standards is not inherently something to be changed. In many cases it is helpful in moving us forward in life and is a shared human experience. However, if our striving for perfection is based on other’s expectations or society’s expectation, perfection is the only acceptable outcome, and we engage our inner bully’s highly critical attitude when we fall short, the striving can become harmful to our mental health, to our relationships, to our work, and in most areas of our life that we engage with on a daily basis.
Through counseling we work to redefine striving, where your goals are coming from, the milestones of ‘success,’ and reducing the frequency and impact of your highly critical inner bully.
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A: Perfection, or perfectionistic tendencies, can develop as a response or a defense to the ‘not enough’ feeling. That if you do everything right, make no mistakes, succeed on the first try, on your own, do it all perfectly (deep breath)... then your ‘inner bully’ will have nothing to say. The point would be proven, the case would be shut…you will have been deemed worthy and are able to move forward in life confidently.
Alas, perfection is unattainable (at least in all areas of life, at all times), this need to be perfect to prove to your inner critic you are worthy, actually leads to more self-criticism and judgment rather than less.