Therapy for Perfectionism & Self-Esteem

in Brentwood & throughout TN

It’s Saturday morning, and your excited to finally have a whole day to yourself—time to catch up, get organized, and tackle that long to-do list.

Then, the first disappointment hits—you slept through your alarm. Panic sets in as you scramble to reorganize your plan. It’s fine. I just need an hour to get going. Or maybe, I’ll stay up later. I used to do it all the time. The reassurance helps, briefly, until you actually face the list. Suddenly, there’s another task to add. Your brain starts running circles, debating the right place to start. Maybe a quick scroll through Instagram, TikTok, or YouTube will offer some inspiration.

By the time you settle on a task, too much time has passed. It’s not even 10 a.m., and the day already feels like a waste. The chance to do it right is gone.

That’s when the voice kicks in. The one that eagerly points out every misstep, every flaw, every past failure. Maybe it even warns of future ones, building its case that no matter how hard you try, it will never be enough.

This need to be perfect—and the relentless pressure that comes with it—follows you everywhere:

  • Your days are structured around meticulous morning and evening routines, endless goals, and ever-growing to-do lists, with even slightest deviation from the schedule sending you into a spiral.

  • Research becomes a black hole. Whether it’s a vacation, home project, or meal plan, you spend hours googling, pinning, and gathering just a little more information.

  • Compliments feel uncomfortable. You don’t know how to react because deep down, you don’t believe they’re true.

  • It feels like you’re always moving the goalpost. Even when you achieve something, like a promotion or PR, it’s never enough to celebrate.

  • You keep doubling down on the same strategies—whether they work or not—because you believe it’s not the strategy’s fault, but your own.

  • You check, double-check, triple-check—then ask someone else to check—your email, presentation, or plans, just to be sure.

  • You’d rather do everything yourself. Letting someone else help means risking that it won’t be done right.

  • Every task feels heavy, filled with doubt and the pressure to find the perfect solution, as if avoiding mistakes is the only way to get it right.

Because if you can just do it perfectly—maybe then, finally, your inner critic will let you breathe.

But what if things looked a different?

Imagine this…

It’s Saturday morning, and you wake up excited to have a whole day to yourself.

Then you realize you slept through your alarm. But instead of stressing, you think, "I must have needed the extra sleep!" and settle in for a relaxed morning—coffee, cartoons, and a good book, no rush to look at your to-do list.

By 10 a.m., you start organizing your day: laundry, cleaning, grocery shopping, and a few self-care tasks like going to the gym and catching up with a friend. There’s no pressure, no dread. Some tasks are less exciting (who enjoys laundry?), but there's no voice telling you, “If you don’t do it all today, you’re a failure.”

Instead, your inner voice is calm, even encouraging. It reminds you that it’s okay to rest and take things one step at a time. You feel connected to the present, trusting that you are enough, and that you can get things done at your own pace.

What a relief that would be. And therapy can help you get there—by guiding you to quiet your inner critic, manage your perfectionism, and build a healthier relationship with your time and energy.

How Counseling Can Help!

  • Therapy helps you question the messages you hear from your inner voice. We ask, "Is this thought true?" and "Is this thought helping me?" By identifying harmful self-talk, you can replace it with thoughts that are more compassionate and realistic.

  • In therapy, we work to identify and challenge your perfectionistic thoughts—like “If I don’t do everything perfectly, I’m a failure.” By exploring healthier, more helpful beliefs, you can replace negative self-talk with thoughts that support your growth and well-being.

  • Therapy helps you explore the root causes of your perfectionism, understanding how past experiences and beliefs shape how you view yourself. This deeper awareness allows you to begin letting go of perfectionistic beliefs that no longer serve you.

  • We’ll work together to identify your core values—the things that truly matter to you—separating them from the expectations placed on you by others. This allows you to make choices that align with your authentic self, rather than striving to meet external demand

  • Mindfulness helps you stay present, noticing your thoughts and emotions without judgment. By grounding yourself in the here and now, you can reduce anxiety and perfectionism, and begin to respond more calmly to challenges.

  • Therapy teaches you to embrace mistakes as part of the human experience. Instead of criticizing yourself for every misstep, you’ll learn to give yourself permission to fail and to approach challenges with curiosity and self-compassion.

  • Change takes time, and therapy recognizes that progress is often gradual. Together, we’ll celebrate each small victory along the way, acknowledging your efforts and reinforcing your commitment to growth.

  • Compassion in therapy means accepting all your thoughts and feelings—whether positive or negative—without judgment. Through this process, you’ll learn to release them without attaching self-criticism, fostering a sense of peace and self-acceptance.

By building these skills, you’ll learn to interact with yourself with compassion. You’ll recognize that your worth isn’t tied to your achievements or perfection. Instead, you’ll embrace yourself as you are, while setting goals that reflect your true values—not the expectations of others. This shift allows you to focus on the journey, not just the destination.

Therapy for Perfection and Self-Esteem can help take you

From:

  • Harsh →

  • Indecisive →

  • Your Own Worst Critic →

  • Chasing Perfection →

  • Feeling Not Enough →

To:

  • Self-Compassionate

  • Confident in Your Choices

  • Your Own Encourager

  • Embracing Progress

  • Knowing You Are Worthy

Let go of perfection. Trust yourself. Feel confident in the life you're creating!

 Frequently Asked Questions:

  • A: Essentially Yes…but with some slight differences.

    For many of us, our brain is constantly thinking, coming up with a verbal narrative or a series of images, potentially both.

    Our internal narrative gives us reminders, lets us plan, helps get us from point a to point b, etc. It is a helpful, and maybe even necessary, component of us living with intentionality and purpose.

    Our inner cheerleader is that voice that encourages us by saying ‘You got this,’ ‘Way to go,’ ‘Amazing work!’ ‘I’m so proud of you!’ ‘Your on the right track!’ It’s the voice that helps us move towards our goal in a way that is kind and inspiring.

    Our inner bully is that voice that pushes us towards our goals by saying ‘I can’t believe you did that!’ ‘Do you know what you're doing?’ ‘If you did it this way, you would have been successful.’ It’s the voice that tries to push us towards our goal from a place of fear and insecurity.

    So while many of us have a constant narrative in our head, many of us find it distressing when that inner voice consistently takes on a ‘bullying’ tone and word choice.

  • A: Striving toward a goal, wanting to improve in some way, or having high standards is not inherently something to be changed. In many cases it is helpful in moving us forward in life and is a shared human experience. However, if our striving for perfection is based on other’s expectations or society’s expectation, perfection is the only acceptable outcome, and we engage our inner bully’s highly critical attitude when we fall short, the striving can become harmful to our mental health, to our relationships, to our work, and in most areas of our life that we engage with on a daily basis.

    Through counseling we work to redefine striving, where your goals are coming from, the milestones of ‘success,’ and reducing the frequency and impact of your highly critical inner bully.

  • A: Perfection, or perfectionistic tendencies, can develop as a response or a defense to the ‘not enough’ feeling. That if you do everything right, make no mistakes, succeed on the first try, on your own, do it all perfectly (deep breath)... then your ‘inner bully’ will have nothing to say. The point would be proven, the case would be shut…you will have been deemed worthy and are able to move forward in life confidently.

    Alas, perfection is unattainable (at least in all areas of life, at all times), this need to be perfect to prove to your inner critic you are worthy, actually leads to more self-criticism and judgment rather than less.